There are a number of albums I own that I actively dislike – picked up for a pound, or even for free, I thought I’d give them a go, and have been sorely disappointed. Other albums, though, are just completely embarrassing to own. It’s time to come clean – here are ten albums I’m utterly ashamed to own.
- Jay-Z – American Gangster – yes, it’s a film soundtrack, but it’s so awful, so tired, so shockingly poor. I listened to it once, and almost cried at how utterly weak Hova sounded. From the Blueprint and the Black Album to this, the mind boggles. This should never have seen the light of day.
- 30 Seconds to Mars – A Beautiful Lie – rock-with-eye-makeup by numbers; but it’s paint-by-numbers by the numbers. Shamefully, I bought it because I thought the cover art looked “cool”. I never, ever play this, and I’m appalled whenever I see it on the shelf.
- Pat Boone – the Best of Pat Boone – in my defence, I used this as an educational tool at university, when presenting on the white appropriation of black musical culture in the 50s and 60s US (compare Little Richard’s Long Tall Sally to Boone’s, and hell, even to the Kinks’, and be shocked at the brazen plagiarism). However, I enjoyed the rest of the album just a little too much. I’m ashamed to own this because I enjoy it when I know I really, really shouldn’t.
- My Chemical Romance – The Black Parade – I’ve never got past track 5, it’s so bad. This reminds me of a horribly dark time, and not in a good way. I hate owning it, but sometimes, you need to know how far you’ve come. Still – it’s so bloody awful.
- Oxide and Neutrino – Execute – I bought this at school, and thought I was cool. Someone should have told me that being a short fat spotty Jewish kid, I wasn’t going to be cool listening to a So Solid Crew side project. I die a little inside whenever Bound 4 Da Reload comes on.
- The Streets – The Hardest Way To Make An Easy Living – it’s just so… dirty. From street poet to coke-addled drunken boor, Skinner went down a dark path and I can’t listen to this without feeling uncomfortable; but worse is the sigh whenever I see the album and think “I wasted money on this? I hope no-one finds out”. Then they find out.
- Yes – Tales From Topographic Oceans – it’s prog, Jim, but not as we know it. Where complicated turned into excessive; where evidently, my judgement flew out of the window. A bad, bad choice.
- Wolfmother – Wolfmother – everything about this just screams poor taste. Australians who can’t find their way between Rush and the White Stripes, and get it all spectacularly wrong. The cooler you are, the worse my punishment would be.
The final album on this list is one that I regret more than any other musical decision (I’m looking at you, Oxide and Neutrino). This is the nadir of my music collection, the place where all hope goes to die. The most shameful 70 minutes of music I own. The prize for the most shameful album I own goes to…
Theory of a Deadman – The Truth Is… – the real truth is that this is a shocking, misogynistic piece of shit. I can’t remember why I bought this, but I must have needed a second album in a 2 for £10 deal… or I was drunk. Either way, I would pay someone good money to take this off my hands and purge my life of this disgusting, foul, demeaning item. For fuck’s sake – they make Nickelback sound classy. How does anyone actively enjoy this?
What albums in your collection are you ashamed of? Don’t hold back…